Identity Revealed Through Brokenness
In sharing the following post from my journey, I pray someone navigating their own season/story will be encouraged, strengthened, comforted, and encounter our Healer’s tangible manifest Presence. He alone can heal us from the many trials and tribulations of this life. Jesus has made a way for us to overcome. When we truly SEE and KNOW ourselves as our Heavenly Father sees and knows us through the perfected work of His Son, EVERYTHING changes! Be abundantly blessed as identity is revealed through brokenness and as He transforms pain into authority.
Identity and the Orphan Spirit
Having walked intimately with Jesus since my teens, I did not understand Kingdom or sonship identity until into my 40’s. I am immeasurably thankful for teachers like Graham Cooke, and worshipers/ songwriters like Jason Upton and Rick Pino for being used by Holy Spirit for intimate breakthrough in this revelatory understanding. It took the previous decades to be healed of an orphan spirit, even with daily intentional pursuit of Jesus, His Kingdom, and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33).
The current landscape in our nation (and in the world) is overflowing with orphan spirits. Orphans spirits seek their identity via a plethora of varying roles, platforms, and relationships. Orphan spirit identity dominates until revelation and understanding enlighten the depth of our Heavenly Father’s incredible love, mercy, and grace. We have ALL been invited through adoption and sonship to ALL He has provided when we call on Jesus (John 3:16-17).
Entangled Identity
Throughout my pursuit of Jesus, identity became entangled with being a teacher, a worship leader, in family ministry, children’s ministry, prayer ministry, etc.. Note: My identity was never entangled with being a wife. My husband of 45 years has always seen me through my Heavenly Father’s eyes. He has loved me for who I am and not for who I am not. As my biggest champion in this world, we are life partners, best friends, and have been since our early 20’s. We always will be.
Identity and Inner Healing
When we knowingly or unknowingly allow our identity to become interwoven with purpose, others’ expectations, how others perceive us, or how much love, time, and energy we have invested, opposition arises. Offense, rejection, betrayal, wounding, shame, condemnation, critical spirit, etc. all pave the way for much needed inner healing. Inner healing cannot be attained apart from Holy Spirit at work within us. I have fervently been on an intense and passionate pursuit of maturing in Christ for decades. Holy Spirit has led me to intentionally work out my salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). When I truly seized hold of being fully loved by my Heavenly Father, the judgment, shame, and condemnation of an orphan spirit, facilitated by religion and ‘church,’ broke free. Being His worshiper in Spirit and Truth became my life in passion and position.
Strategic Intention
Many significant details, major acts of obedience involving risk, life changes, etc. are being omitted from this post intentionally. It’s never healing to continue revisiting adverse details. Forgiveness is the plumb line (Matthew 6:14-15). I have continued to pursue the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth through the many ways Holy Spirit has ordered our steps over the years (Psalm 37:23). Attaining numerous credentials in sound therapy, holistic therapies such as Integrated Bioenergetic Restoration Therapy (IBRT) and Aleph Tav Body Touch Therapy (ATB), trauma counseling, etc.. has been a significant piece of the journey.
This pursuit has been Holy Spirit directed to better facilitate working with those He sends me: those who are seeking some form of healing physically, emotionally, mentally, and/or spiritually. It has also been a strategic intention in the instrumental music Holy Spirit assigns me to release on digital streaming platforms. Throughout the process, especially IBRT and trauma counseling, I have continued to work on my own inner healing, specific to how life has played out via ‘church,’ ministry, calling, family, relationships, purpose, etc..
An Unexpected Trigger
Upon moving to our current location, I thought I had a pretty good handle on possessing the Kingdom (Daniel 7:9-27 via a specific word from Holy Spirit in 2013), identity, and purpose. Every day is a gift to yield to Holy Spirit’s leading in all of it. Several years ago, however, the old orphan spirit was once again triggered unexpectedly with an ‘identity’ I was unaware had ever entered into my ‘identity’ factor.
Having spent the greater portion of my adult life in the role as mom and home educator, I embraced empty nesting as it took its course. What followed at this juncture was navigating a lengthy period of extended, painful, and deep grief specific to the impact of those years. At the same time we encountered a major medical scare with my husband – the third one in a decade. During his recovery, we worked through most of the unresolved issues of that season, forgave, and once again moved forward.
Peeling the Layers
When we are in a good place and once again on the path moving forward, our Heavenly Father in His kindness reveals another layer. We are all like onions in this journey, having the layers of life peeled off, one layer at time. At this juncture, in our current unresolved situation, I am not fully certain if or when restoration and complete healing will manifest on this side of eternity. We trust it all at the feet of Jesus.
What I have learned over the past few months, however, has taken me to an even deeper place of intimacy with my Heavenly Father, my King, and my Lord. As Scripture says, He is always working all things together for good (Romans 8:28). He is faithful to perfect the good work He began in us (Philippians 2:13). In good company with Joseph, I can say, “the Lord has intended it all for good” in the broader picture of things(Genesis 50:20).
Estrangement
Several months ago brought an immensely sudden wave of shock, devastation, disbelief, horror, shame, condemnation, accusations, betrayal, rejection, etc.. This wave took on an immeasurably deep level of pain and grief, intensely multiplied in comparison to the previous season of overcoming in this area. I recognized it instantly! I have been in training over the past decade specific to all of it on behalf of helping others, as well as with a freshly healed heart from my initial introduction to it all. The current ‘estrangement’ culture and therapy trend is not something I had remotely been familiar. I most certainly am now!
The Waves
I have brought it to the Lord 24/7 for healing, wisdom, discernment, and all He desires me to learn while walking through this. Every time I think I am actually getting there with more of His healing, another wave of deep sadness and tears hit unexpectedly out of nowhere. The nights, waking, or when driving alone in the car are especially difficult. My husband is also walking through this with me as the ‘shocker’ also involved him. However, he processes healing much differently than me. I wholeheartedly identify with David in the Psalms, specific to my passion and emotions, etc.. It all manifests while yielding to Holy Spirit as He creates spontaneously through my music.
Inner Healing is a Process
Several of the ways Holy Spirit has led me in walking through this season include focusing daily on His point of view, i.e. His higher thoughts and ways. As an intercessor in the current critical juncture of our nation and His Story, His point of view is paramount! With that focus, He has me reading several excellent resources: The Heart Prophet by Maria Mason and The Sacred Journey by Brian Simmons. I am also in Lana Vawser’s Living in Ascended Authority online course.
Holy Spirit also gave me a new, very strategic and specific recording assignment. This newest project was recently completed and is now in engineering/mixing phase. Release date will be late March or April. I have been intently listening to this new album and Holy Spirit’s specific intentions and details. The season I have been navigating has victoriously revealed itself through the music: beautiful, gentle, melodic, Scripturally intentional, powerful, and healing! I am so very excited for this latest holistic album release!
Facing the Emotions
Several recent healing encounters have manifested at the depths of my innermost being. I am immeasurably grateful! I have been sitting with the Lord, seeking, and inquiring of His point of view on the specifics to what we have been navigating. At the onset of the whole ordeal, His response was, “In your anger, do not sin.”
Anger? I felt every emotion on the planet when confronted with this. Anger was not one of them. I should have known through my various certifications and training, however, that anger is a very real stage of the grief journey. This is especially true of grief that is rarely accompanied with mutual closure. Estrangement often involves a sudden ‘death’ or ‘end’ of a vital and/or significant relationship(s). The individual(s) is/are still living and thriving without you in the picture. This can become a traumatic grief loop. Grief can become stuck at the cellular level and cause health issues if not addressed. Closure in estrangement becomes an internal personal decision quietly claimed as part of the healing process.
Our Father’s POV
Back to my Father’s point of view (POV). While at the gym on the treadmill, I generally talk with the Lord. On a recent occasion, Holy Spirit answered my pleas of “What is Your POV on this, Father?” His response finally came. “I never called you, ‘Mom.’ I called you, ‘Tammy’.” (He has called each of us by name – Psalm 147:4). His response was personal and significant! Over a period of several years (2011-2014), Holy Spirit spoke to me about suffering being a gift (Philippians 1:21-30; 1 Peter 4) – that contains a message for another time. While driving one day in that season, I heard in my spirit, “Como se Amos?” This is one of very few phrases I understood in Spanish. He had my attention. “What is your name?” He then proceeded through a series of divinely orchestrated encounters and studying over the next several years, unpacking ‘Tammy’ and the meaning: ‘palm tree.’
Connecting the Dots
Palm tree contains many meanings Scripturally and spiritually. Here I am on the treadmill in 2026 and He gently reminds me, once again, of my name and its meaning. Revisiting my many pages of research from the previous season, completely undid all of the emotions I have been processing due to ‘estrangement!’ He never called me “Mom.” I have known intellectually and spiritually for decades that I am His daughter, a son of the Most High, and the Bride of Christ. Yet, there appeared to be a layer within me identifying as something that was clearly not my identity.
Being a ‘mom’ became an identity I had embraced over the course of all the years walking it out. I recently added ‘grandmother’ to that identity with the birth of grandchildren. ‘Mom’ was clearly who I thought I was, but in the Kingdom, it’s a role we steward with love. It is not who I am nor remotely my identity. My Heavenly Father knit me together in my mother’s womb, chose me (Psalm 139:13-14 and Ephesians 1:4-5), and called me, ‘Tammy.’ He calls me His Palm Tree. This is far more internally significant than my words could ever express in this post. It also plays a crucial and significant role in the music He creates through me.
The Palm Tree
Pages of research on the palm tree in a nutshell:
Victory
Triumph
Peace
Abundance
Tranquility
Serenity
Eternal Life
Resurrection
Resilience
Stability
Endurance
Perseverance
Inner Strength
Flexibility
Connection between Heaven and Earth
Spiritual Strength
Steadfast
Reaching Upward
Righteous Living
Flourishing
Nourishment
Overcoming Adversity
Unwavering Faith
Flexibility
Rootedness
Giving
Fruitful
Abundant Life
Inspiration for Meditation/Reflection
Calm
Focus
Steadfast
Thrive
Spiritual Growth in Extreme and Harsh Conditions
Specific to resilience, endurance, and unwavering faith: palm trees are known for their ability to withstand harsh conditions, such as storms and high winds. They symbolize the ability to stand tall through life’s challenges. They also represent the capacity to bend without breaking, returning to an upright position even stronger after a storm. The roots of the palm are deep, representing a firm, unwavering faith that finds spiritual nourishment (water) even in dry, difficult times.
His Palm Tree
Tammy, His Palm Tree, is how my Heavenly Father created and has always seen me, simply and wholly in Jesus. I am His infinitely loved daughter, perfected in His Son, and His Bride. Tammy, His Palm Tree, is also specific to my music. A palm tree often symbolizes an oasis. The holistic frequency infused instrumental music Holy Spirit assigns, creates, and releases through me on behalf of those seeking Him, seeking answers, encounters, peace, healing, and comfort, manifests as EASE in the midst of all the inundating 24/7 DIS-EASE. Through the music, He offers a much needed oasis in the NOW.
From Ceiling to Floor
I love when Holy Spirit reveals the ‘aha’s’ necessary to untangle our past and propel us forward into our next new season. Healed, whole, fully loved and accepted, identity completely and fully grounded in His love and all that Jesus has so graciously and mercifully provided. This is what Scripture declares is ‘going from glory to glory’ (2 Corinthians 3:18). We are called to a lifetime of loving and walking intimately with Jesus, with our Heavenly Father, and with Holy Spirit.
This life is a lifetime of learning to love and see one’s self as Heaven sees us in Christ. It’s a lifetime of learning to love and see ALL others through our Heavenly Father’s eyes because of the finished work of His Son; a lifetime of giving testimony, glory, and honor to Jesus! He demonstrated His love when He came to Earth. He continues to demonstrate His love 24/7. This is what pressing toward the prize of our high calling tangibly looks like (Phil. 3:14). This is what “free indeed” looks and feels like (John 8:36). This is what generational victory on behalf of our children and grandchildren looks like as we give our ceiling to them as their floor.
Transforming Pain into Authority
The Lord is absolutely faithful to complete the good work He began in each of us (Philippians 1:6). The foundational process becomes possessing our identity as sons/daughters (Daniel 7:18,22). Our true identity reveals itself in brokenness. He transforms our pain, i.e. our suffering, into authority for the purpose of co-laboring with Him. Co-laboring with Holy Spirit is how His Kingdom advances on Earth as it is in Heaven for such a time as this (Matthew 16:18)!
In the yielding and walking it out, He is glorified and honored! We are never done learning in this glorious relationship our Lord has invited us into throughout all eternity. We have been healed, we are being healed, and we will be healed to the glory of Jesus, our King, our Lord, and our victorious Bridegroom!
Watch for Upcoming Details on my Newest Album Release Spring 2026!
The journey with Holy Spirit I have shared in this post has brought my music to an exciting and anointed new place. Watch for details coming soon on this website under BLOG or SHOP or at tammysorenson.com under BLOG or MUSIC!
